A few of my favorite things

Yeah, it’s buying and selling cats and dogs.

 

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I don’t smoke a lot. I smoke about once every 100 years. And I haven’t had my smoke this century yet. When you don’t smoke, you miss stuff like this.

 

 

 

Look at her face. I know she’s supposed to be covering her mouth, because “SECOND-HAND SMOKE WILL KILL YOUR FAMILY!!” I mean, “Second-hand smoke is a euphemistic way of saying your family hates you and thinks you’re a failure, shithead.” One more try, “Second-hand smoke harms your family, jerk.” FINE, “Second-hand smoke is detrimental to your family’s health.” Are you happy?

The point is, you can and should write anything on there, including sarcastic shit because being all serious and saying, “smoking is no joking!” surely ain’t doing shit. Which takes me back to that photo. The woman there is ostensibly covering her mouth to prevent the smoke monster from harming her or something, but really, you have a look of horror and disgust, as if her husband has been transformed into a smoker, giant bug, horrible monster AND/OR she’s walked in, at her home, with her son in her arms, and discovered her husband in bed, with another woman, not just watching television.

And the kid’s expression does it too. Look at that kid’s face. People look at that face of abject horror EVERY DAY and say, “FUCK IT! GIVE ME MORE EXPENSIVE CANCER STICKS ON THE DOUBLE!!”

Remember kids, never accept second-best. Never settle for “updated blue,” always demand “original blue.”

And, because someone in the government is positive that most people don’t have a heart, they have this on the backside, just to remind them.

Department of Health reminder!: you’re a horrible person because you’re a smoker. Quit now, seriously. No one likes you and you’re throwing your money away. Try the lottery instead. At least then you have a chance of winning.

Try 2: Hotline for those looking to quit smoking: 0800 636363, Department of Health, Executive Yuan.

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And obviously, as anyone who writes the for the internet must know, you save the best for last and always bury your lead.

 

Because 掛power long ago passed guacamole to become my favorite thing that starts with a 掛. Don’t forget kids, 打拼! Or something.

It pretty much speaks for itself, (i.e., not at all to the uninitiated) but it’s probably better if you soak it in first before knowing too much.

What can I say, I like expressions. And maybe magicians? Or people who do magician 姿勢?

It’s like the drunken brother you had, but never wanted.

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And no series of favorite things is complete without fruit stuck on a tree on a hiking trail. Obviously.

That’s a pineapple, in case you were wondering. And yes, there’s a reason it’s stuck in that tree. And no, I did not put that one (or the other ones!) there.

 

Have a nice day.